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Some days I have to give myself a pep talk

This morning I sat and cried a little bit. Everyone needs a good cry every now and then, and the past two years have really taken it out of me.  I am not one who is a pretty crier.  I am not someone who likes people to see me cry, most of the time I don't even want to admit that I have ever cried.  I don't know why that is, I guess I always want people to think that life is good.  I want to be someone who is always positive and brings people up instead of down.  With that being said, I think something needs to be talked about.  Being a mom is hard.  Being an aspiring illustrator is hard. Life is hard. I know it is a little cliche, but it is true.

I feel like I haven't had break in more than a year.  I am sleep deprived, malnourished, and exhausted.  I feel like I am constantly sprinting, but I never really catch up.  I know I am not the only mother who feels this way, but I think that there are a whole new set of issues that come up for artists.  I have an endless list of house chores and projects around the house, normal baby duties, and on top of that I desperately want to work on artwork.  I feel guilty if I don't play with my daughter enough, or spend time with my husband and then I feel guilty if I don't work on my art enough.

 I want so badly to succeed.  I want my art work to be something that others enjoy.  I want my artwork to uplift and help people have hope. I want to improve my craft and create beautiful things.  I want to have a following on social media, I want to have fans, and I want to do well.

I think part of the reason I want to succeed is for all the people that support me and are cheering me on.  I want them to feel validated in supporting me.  I also want to do well because of all the people who said that I can't and won't succeed.  I had a professor in college tell me that I wasn't worth his time, and that I wouldn't amount to anything.  That was soul crushing, but I have always wanted to prove him wrong.  I wanted to go back to that school and show him that I am a real artist and I did well in spite of his hurtful words.

I always think that if I just work a little bit harder then things will get easier.  I think it will get easier in the end.  I am a true believer in hard work, but sometimes it is difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I went to Spectrum Art Live a couple of weeks ago, and IT WAS AWESOME.  I met some amazing people, I saw amazing work, and I had some great portfolio reviews.  During my portfolio review with Lauren Panepinto she told me that other new moms felt overwhelmed and behind.  She said not to get down on myself and to do the best I can.  I really appreciated that advice.  I don't think she was very interested in my work, but I am very grateful for those words of encouragement that she gave me that day.

During the convention there was a lot of talk about women in the art world.  I could over relate to a lot of the things that were said. They talked about the pressures that we face, and how women are scared to promote themselves.  How we have a hard time with imposter syndrome, and how we have a hard time balancing family life and art sometimes.  They also talked about how we care to much about things that we don't need to. I think that all of these issues need to be talked about.  Everyone is facing their own battles.  Everyone is trying so hard to do well.  We can do it ladies, but we need to stand by each other and support each other.

I feel like the last year has hard and wonderful at the same time.  I feel like having a baby has been great.  She has pushed me and helped me grow.  I love her with all my heart.  I think that if I could go back in time, or give any advice to recent moms or moms to be I would say give yourself some slack.  Give yourself a break.  If I could go back to last year, I would stay in bed for a month.  I would cuddle my little girl and not worry about getting back into the swing of things right away.  I went to the mall and to Costco the day I got out of the hospital. I went to church the Sunday after I had given birth. Don't do that. Just relax and go into hibernation for a little while.  I felt like I had to go back to normal right after having her.  You can't go back to normal.  Your life has changed forever.  After you start to feel like a human being again, you can start to work on things again.  I wish I had taken more of a break after I had my baby girl, and I need to start taking time for myself more often.

This morning while I sat there overwhelmed and frustrated with a grumpy baby refusing to take a nap, I cried a little bit and then gave myself a little pep talk.  I am okay.  I am not perfect, no one knows who I am, and my art career is just starting off.  I am not the best mom in the world, but I sure try.  My house isn't sparkling clean everyday, but my kid is happy, my husband is happy, and I am happy.  I like who I am.  All I can do is make steady forward progress.

After all of those random thoughts, here is the painting I did this week.  It is a redo of an old painting  that I did a couple of years ago (steady forward progress right?!) .  My husband modeled for me.  He is such a wonderful, hardworking man.  He has always supported me in everything that I do. Even though he works full time and goes to school full time, he has always had time for our baby girl and myself. Love him!

Being a Mommy and an Artist

Since I have had Indie a ton of people have asked me how I do it (meaning doing art and taking care of a baby).  The first time I was asked that question I was kind of caught off guard, because in my mind I was never going to just stop doing art or creating things ever.  I had never even thought about slowing down unless I was in some sort of horrible accident and was unable to create anymore.

I am not going to pretend like I am super mom or anything.... 'cause that would be a total lie.  I am definitely not and I definitely don't have as much time to work on things as I would like to.  I also have the frustration of getting into the "zone" while working and then being interrupted by crying because I need to feed/change/put Indie to sleep/etc.  

I think that one of my secret weapons is Nathaniel.  He is so supportive and even though he works hard all day at a 9 to 5 job, he comes home and watches the baby for me so that I can focus.  I also, take full advantage of nap time, swing time, and excersaucer time.  I think what it all boils down to is that I have had to learn how to adapt.  I have had to learn how to work during  frequent short time periods throughout the day.  

Something that is a little embarressing is that I don't always keep up with all the house work. I try to throw in a load of laundry or do a little cleaning project before I start working on art stuff, but I really want to devote most of my time to working on art work.  I have really had to learn to balance things and decide what is important.  I think too many of us feel like we have to have a pinterest perfect house- always clean organized, be super in shape, have a beautifully behaved baby, and still work.  It is impossible and you will make yourself crazy.  Just chill out.  You have to balance. When I am deeply into a project other things slide sometimes, but that is okay. 

With all of that being said I would like to introduce you to my latest piece! I painted it for the current art order challenge.  I had to incorporate tribal jewelry, petticoats, a bull whip, and tattoos. I call her Lilah. I am pretty happy with how it turned out! The Oatley Academy has really helped me improve my digital skills- I can't recommend it enough!

Here are some progress pictures.   I start with a pencil drawing, and I finalize the lines in photoshop.

Then, I block in the color.

I slowly add details and shadows.

I just keep working with everything until I get it just how I like it.

 

 I am pretty happy with how it turned out! The Oatley Academy has really helped me improve my digital skills- I can't recommend it enough!

Oatley Academy

Okay, so I am loving oatley academy! More on that later, but for now here is my WIP for our first assignment.  We are supposed to take a old painting and an animal and combine the two, making a "fancy animal".  Here is my fancy koala.

 Here is the old painting that I took his clothes from.

It has been a really fun project so far! I will keep updating the progress as I finish the piece.

Another Mermaid

What can I say, I  love mermaids! They are so graceful and whimsical, and they appear in my doodles on a daily basis.  So, this weekend I am working on another mermaid. Here is my WIP. More progress will be posted soon.

Meta Con Review

So, Meta-Con finally happened! Crazy.  It was a smaller convention, but it definitely was worth our while.  I felt like I was preparing for that silly event FOREVER.... and I guess I kind of was.  It was great to get back into the swing of things after having Indie, and it was great to get back out there.

I worked super hard on our display, and I got a lot of positive reactions from people about our set up.  I really wanted something that would be pretty without competing with my artwork.  I think that it turned out pretty well, and now we have a great display to take with us to future events.  Here are some pictures of me at our booth!

Alrighty, so the convention itself was pretty small.  I am not sure how many people actually came, but it wasn't super busy by any stretch of the imagination.  There was all the usual crazy people that you meet at conventions, and there were definitely the people that have zero social skills.  But, there was also some wonderful people there! I met Otis Frampton (which was awesome!!) apparently he lives in St. Paul.  I had no idea! He was way nice and pretty hilarious.  Otis was also painting on a tablet that was not a cintique, an iPad, or a Windows tablet.  I should have asked him what it was because I would love to know (if anyone knows what he paints on let me know.).  The other artists and vendors that were there were also (for the most part) very nice.  I especially enjoyed our neighbor (Cecilia) form the Tee Turtle that was across from us during the whole event.

The staff was phenomenal from start to finish.  Nobody was power tripping, and everyone was extremely helpful.  I was a little worried at first, because they didn't have Nathaniel's badge ready at the vendor check in.  (At SLC Comic Con they refused to let Nathaniel anywhere that I went because he didn't have an "Artist" badge.  He was clearly with me and there to help me carry boxes, but they refused to let him in.... that was infuriating! Because of that experience I am a little touchy about making sure that Nathaniel has an artist or vendor badge.)  But, when I asked the staff at Meta-Con they were super nice and said that we wouldn't ever have a problem getting him in and out when he needed to be.  Phew! They even let my family (mom, dad, sister and Indigo) come in to help me pack up my space on Saturday night.  They were so helpful and courteous (I cannot stress that enough!).

Another thing that was kind of fun about the event was that they had free Ramen noodles for everyone, and an all night board game room.

Overall, the convention was well organized and the staff was AWESOME! It was a fun event and we met some awesome people.  The only downers for us was that it was more of an anime convention than a comic con or a sci fi/fantasy convention.  I should have realized this since it's sister convention is anime Minneapolis.  Our sales weren't awesome, but we payed for our expenses and it was fun.  I am not sure if we will go back or not, but I definitely had a positive experience and I am open to going back next year.

The hotel was..... disappointing.  The staff of the hotel were ranged from a little cold to down right rude, and when it came to customer service.... well there wasn't any. It was quite expensive, and there was a million hidden fees.  The room itself was fine, there was absolutely nothing exciting about it, but it was fine. As a side note, it was the ugliest hotel I have ever seen... very very modern.  We could have stayed in a Best Western for half the price, gotten the same quality of room (maybe even a little prettier), gotten free breakfast, and free parking.  Lets just say, I was not impressed with The Hyatt Regency Minneapolis and we probably won't be staying there again.  The one plus to staying in the hotel was that it was convenient since the convention took place in the hotel itself.

Well to sum it all up, I really was impressed with the convention organizers and it was a fun event! I feel like I have finally gotten a small stock of merchandise put together, and a pretty sweet display.   I am ready to take on some bigger events again.  I AM BACK BABY!

We are homeless... and we had a baby!

     WOW! Where to start.  It has been a while since I blogged. So much has happened in the last few months.  First off, we had our baby! She is the cutest, sweetest little thing, and we love her.  Her name is Indigo, but we call her Indie or Go-Go most of the time. Having her around is super awesome, and super hard at the same time, especially when it comes to getting art projects done. I love not being pregnant anymore... let me tell you, I forgot how nice it is to not be pregnant! Indie is finally sleeping through the night and I feel like a new woman.

     Secondly, we are homeless. Okay, don't panic! We aren't sleeping in cardboard box in an alley.   We sold our place, and pretty much everything we own and moved to Minnesota. I was 7.5 months pregnant and I definitely cried when we said goodbye to all of our stuff (*sigh* stupid hormones). We loaded up everything else into our little SUV and moved.  We planned on only staying with my parents for a week or so, but it turns out we are actually kind of helpful around the house, so my parents asked us to stay.  Even though it was hard saying good bye to my super cute coffee table and my little home, I am enjoying the freedom of not having very much stuff, and I love saving money by not having to pay rent.  We are saving up for a house, and hopefully will have enough to start building a cute little house in January. Who knows what life will bring though! I definitely wasn't expecting things to work out the way they have.

   I am working on a couple of art projects, and prepping for Meta-Con (which Nathaniel and I will be attending).  Here is the line work for the Phoenix painting that I am working on. I am so excited to get painting this thing! I felt it was fitting to paint something that symbolizes rebirth since we are starting fresh in a new state with a new baby.

Life is good people! Enjoy it.

Mandie LaRue